Fortune and Fate
by AverageGryffindor
Summary: She's an Auror, he's a werewolf. They're not supposed to fall in love. The story of Lupin and Tonks, from the day that they first met.
1. Fall into love

**AN: Hello everyone! So lately I've been working a lot on my OC fic, but I've felt the need to write something a little more canon. I hope that you enjoy it. Oh, and I've taken a few liberties with their ages and such. I made Tonks a little older, like she's in her early twenties and Remus is in his late twenties to early thirties. It might not be too exact, so please forgive me. **

It was the evening of December second, and Christmas was in the air. Cheery decorations adorned the shop window displays, and tinny Christmas music filtered from a cheap radio somewhere. A young man trudged past the holly wreathes and jolly St. Nicks without giving them any thought; his mind was elsewhere this cold winter night. He was young, with shaggy hair that nearly brushed the collar of his worn coat. A well-darned scarf was draped carelessly across his thin shoulders and his hands were deep in pockets. A pair of battered boots left light tracks in the scant layer of snow that covered the pavement.

Dean Martin crooned _"baby it's cold outside"_ from the open door of a twenty-four hour Quik-Mart and the young man paused for a moment, listening to the music, then moved on. Perhaps the canned melody reminded him of a better time, one not so consumed by fear and worry. After a second or two, he moved on and eventually turned down a long street lined with row houses. It was a grim place, many of the windows dark at the late hour, and even the street lamp's beams seemed suffocated by the dullness of the air and duplicate row houses.

The man paused between two of the homes, number eleven and number thirteen. There was no number twelve. A mistake, the neighbours often said, result of some builder's stupidity. The man knew better. He muttered something and stunningly, a house appeared from the narrow crack between Number Eleven and Number Thirteen.

A sudden flurry of snow extinguished the man's footprints as he stepped inside, erasing all evidence that anyone had been there at all.

"Remus!" A voice called from the dim interior of the terrace house, and a shadow emerged from the stairwell and flung itself at the tattered young man. The shadow was actually not a shadow at all, but a lanky young man with dark hair that was, if possible, even shaggier than Remus'.

"Sirius," Remus said pleasantly, extracting himself from his friend's grasp. "How have you been?"

"Corking!" Sirius crowed, brushing some snow from Remus' shoulders. "Just great. And you?"

Remus gave a heavy sigh.

"There is a war going on, Sirius. And it's not been long since the full moon…"

Sirius' face morphed into an expression of understanding and he patted Remus' arm.

"I've heard rumours about Severus…" Remus began, but his remark was cut off by something tumbling down the stairs. There was a flash of pink, red and green, and someone crumpled at Sirius and Remus' feet. From the heap came a muffled,

"Ouch." Sirius grabbed the person and hauled them to their feet, revealing a young woman sporting a pair of bright pink pigtails and a jolly Christmas sweater featuring a dancing Santa Claus.

"Sorry 'bout that," she said brightly, apparently oblivious to the fact that she had just fallen down a flight of stairs.

"My cousin, Nymphadora," Sirius introduced. The woman rolled her eyes towards the ceiling.

"_Don't _call me Nymphadora!" She turned to Remus and stuck out her hand. "Everyone calls me Tonks."

It was either a funny pet name or a surname. Remus guessed the latter; he vaugly recalled Sirius mentioning something about a blood-traitor Black marrying a Muggle-born with the surname Tonks.

"Erm, nice to meet you, Tonks." Remus shook her hand. Her skin was soft and smooth, with short nails painted a festive magenta. Sirius suggested that they move the conversation to the kitchen. Tonks trailed behind them like an eager puppy.

"As I was saying," Remus continued their earlier discussion, "I have heard rumours about Severus…."

Sirius twisted his face into an ugly sneer.

"Slimy git. Always knew he'd go wrong…"

Tonks' bright face popped up behind Sirius.

"Who's a slimy git?"

Sirius grabbed her playfully by the arm and jostled her to and fro.

"No one, little cuz. And stop eavesdropping. This is _Order business_."

Tonks pouted.

"I'm a member of the Order, Sirius. I'm an Aurur, for crying out loud…"

Sirius gave her a light shove towards the door.

"Go paint your nails or something, Dora. Or whatever girls do."

She stomped from the room, cheeks flushed, muttering something about how bossy Sirius was.

Before Remus and Sirius could continue their conversation, there was a lould _crack _and Albus Dumbledore spun into view in the kitchen fireplace. He coughed, adjusted his half-moon spectacles and brushed Floo powder from his spangled robes.

"Professor," said Remus, bowing. Despite his age and the fact that he had graduated from Hogwarts years ago, he still addressed his former teacher as such. Albus smiled and clapped both Sirius and Remus on the shoulders.

"Nice robes, sir!" Tonks bounded into view, skidding through the kitchen door and colliding with the table.

"Ow," she muttered, rubbing her toe. Albus inclined his head in a bow towards her, and Tonks blushed and giggled.

"Thank you, Nymphadora." Tonks did not insist on the use of her surname. "I trust that you're preparing adequately for your latest mission?"

Tonks bobbed back and forth on the balls of her feet, a grin spreading across her face.

"Yeah." She paused for a moment. "Like my hair? I think it's a bit bland for the occasion…"

And then she screwed up her facial features and with a loud popping noise, her hair turned from shaggy pigtails into bright red curls. Remus started.

"You're a Metamorphagus!"

She and Sirius both snickered, not unkindly.

"Very good, mate," said Sirius. Tonks chuckled.

"Made my teachers mad at school…I used to pretend I was other people."

Remus could easily imagine a younger version of Tonks running around Hogwarts, masquerading as others and driving her teachers up the wall. Despite her angelic curls, she had the darting eyes and cagey expression of a trickster. She clearly had the charm and good looks of a Black, and the wily wit to accompany it. Remus was strongly reminded of Sirius during their school days.

Later that evening, when Albus had long since been carried away in a rush of green flames and Number 12 Grimmauld Place was settling down for the night, Sirius began his usual interrogation of Remus.

"So what do you think of my little cuz?"

_I should have seen this coming, _he thought. Remus shrugged.

"She's very nice."

"You bloody moron," Sirius scolded. "Not _nice_. You don't describe a girl as being _nice_. Hot, maybe. A good snog, maybe. Shaggable. But not _nice_." These clarifications being made, he leaned in closer. "So?"

"She's very pretty," Remus admitted, not wanting to confess the little leap that his heart had made when he first saw her. Remus hadn't been with a girl in a long time, and he assured himself that it was just testosterone that made his stomach flip when Tonks shot a cheeky wink in his direction.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"My God, mate. You need to shag someone."

"Why, Sirius, if you wanted me that badly you only have to ask…" Remus joked lightly, steering the conversation away from Sirius' attractive cousin. He couldn't deny the fact that Nymphadora Tonks was very, very pretty. However, he couldn't allow himself to make a move on her. She was Sirius' cousin, and he was a _werewolf _for crying out loud. He would never, ever impose his condition on someone as young and innocent as Tonks.

_You're getting ahead of yourself, Moony, _he thought glumly, _it's not as if she fancies you at all. _

Remus assured himself that this was the way it always would be. Love for Remus Lupin was an endless circle of fantasies and broken hearts in both directions. As a young man he had lusted after various girls, always fearful, however, of imposing his condition upon them. Now he had given up, surrendered to the fact that love was painful and ever out of reach. _Amor laedit_. Love hurts.

**Thanks for getting through this chapter, and I hope that you enjoyed it. I would love to hear what you all think of it (cough cough hint hint) and if anything is confusing and must be changed. Some reviews would be great. I hope you all have wonderful weekends. **


	2. All right again

**Hello everyone. I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Thanks to iambananas for the review. Please enjoy!**

Winter had come softly this year, creeping in on cat's feet and leaving behind no tracks. The Death Eaters had not been so subtle. A recent attack on Godric's Hollow had left several well-known witches and wizards dead, including two who had graduated Hogwarts in the same year as Sirius and Remus. Sirius had not taken the news well and had retreated into his bedroom with a small stash of firewhiskey and had not been seen since. The other Order members had gone home-home to their families, to their husbands and wives and children. Mad-Eye had gone off somewhere, to a Muggle pub to loose himself in the drink.

_A true Irishmen, _thought Remus sadly. He had no one to go home to. More precisely, he had no _home _to go to. He contented himself to sitting on some moldy sofa in the dim parlor, heavy curtains drawn shut against the grim weather outside. Remus could feel grief gnawing at him, tearing apart his insides with cold teeth. After a while he could no longer bear the silent tomb of a house, so he put on his coat and went out into the frozen street.

Remus walked in a daze through the streets of London, stumbling like a drunk through icy gutters and across the white pavements until he reached a Muggle pub with a blinking neon sign. It was nearly empty at this time of night, save for a few old drunks getting pissed at one end of the bar. Remus took a seat opposite them, far from their ramblings about the good old days before the war, or perhaps it was during the war, he felt too tired and sad to care.

Robert and Mathilda Hobbler had been close friends throughout the years, supportive of Dumbledore and anti-Death Eater until the end. Robert had worked at the Daily Prophet, writing pro-Dumbledore articles, which, Remus mused, had probably alerted the Death Eaters to his existence. Mathilda had worked in the Ministry, some desk job within the Aurors' office.

"What can I get you, mate?" The bartender leaned over, rag in hand. Remus started slightly.

"Oh, erm…" he hardly thought that it would be appropriate to ask for firewhiskey. "A whiskey, please."

The bartender nodded, bending behind the bar and retrieving a dusty bottle and glass. He tipped a healthy amount of the golden liquid into the grimy glass and set in it front of Remus.

"Drink up, mate. It'll take your worries away."

_Spoken like a true alcoholic, _thought Remus, who had witnessed more than his fair share of family members drink themselves to waste. He threw caution to the winds and drank the whiskey. The drink seared his throat, not quite the same burn as firewhiskey, but one that scalded away the pain at any rate. When he set the empty glass on the bar, the faithful bartender plied him with more whiskey. This continued until Remus felt fairly tipsy and the grief that had been weighing down his heart had started to lift.

"You can't make it stop, Remus."

He started a little from his half-drunk reverie and turned around to find a young woman with mousy brown hair standing behind him, hands in her pockets.

"Who are you?" He muttered in confusion. Remus felt sure that he had never seen the girl before in her life. She fit firmly into the everyman category: short dark hair, a thin mouth and eyes that seemed sad and a little lost.

"It's Tonks."

Of course. She had changed her appearance to reflect the grief demonstrated by the rest of the Order.

"Did Molly send you?" He asked, hoping that Mrs. Weasley hadn't ordered the young woman to follow him. It was quite enough to have her constantly encouraging him to eat and commenting on his thin appearance. But Tonks shook her head.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright. You know, that you didn't do anything stupid."

A tiny flame of anger flared within him. Remus was not a fool, unlike James and Sirius he refused to give into his impulses.

"I don't need to be babysat," he snapped. "I'm not going to throw myself off a bridge."

Far from appearing hurt, Tonks simply shrugged and slid onto the stool next to him. Her face was mild, though not without pain and when she spoke her voice was calm.

"I didn't think you would. Sirius always said that you were the…levelheaded one."

Remus flashed back to his schooldays and the rest of the Marauders mocking his 'prudish' behavior. Any road, he wouldn't end up floating in the river or drinking himself senseless in some back ally.

"If you're going to get pissed, might as well be somewhere with a roof," Tonks said, breaking the silence. Remus eyed the whiskey bottle before him and took a long pull at it. The liquor burned his throat, bringing tears to his eyes.

"It won't take away the pain, you know." Tonks drew a light circle in the ring of condensation that the bottle had left on the damp bar. "Did you know them well?"

Remus nodded. He was remembering the cloudy walks down the Herbology greenhouses with both of the future Hobblers. Mathilda had been excellent at Potions, and while never on the same level as Severus or Lily, the cheerful witch had always been able to offer help to the Marauders.

"Yes. They were good people. Didn't deserve it."

"Does anyone really?" Tonks inquired mildly. Remus shook his head.

"Death Eaters. Voldemort."

Tonks gently pried the bottle from his fingers and took a light pull of whiskey before replacing it on the bar.

"I think you've had enough," she murmured, taking his hand. And Remus found that he did not at all mind being lead away by her, and when they walked out into the icy night, he found that the small heat of her fingers on his was strangly comforting.

She tucked herself under his arm, pressing her thin frame against him.

"It will all be alright, Remus."

And there, in the cold night illuminated by the street-lamps, he knew that somehow, it would be.

** Sorry for the short chapter. I promise to make the next one a little longer. **


	3. Let Go

**Thanks so, so much to everyone who reviewed: iambannanas and alatheagoddess. I hope that you enjoy this next chapter.**

It was nearly Christmas now, and the grim air that had hovered over Number 12 Grimmauld Place had temporarily lifted. Holly bedecked the front door and stoop of the house and Molly had charmed the front door to play a cheerful holiday jingle each time someone opened it. The Hobbler's death still hung over the Order's heads, the shrine to the dead on the mantle a painful reminder of what could easily happen to any of them.

The air was colder now, frosty and laced with Christmas carols and joyful conversation. Remus felt a growing sense of nostalgia as he turned down Grimmauld Place. A cheerful holiday carol was filtering through the open window of Number Ten that Remus remembered from his childhood. He found himself humming along as he drew his wand and silently recited the words, _Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, London. _

Number Eleven and Number Thirteen were pushed to the side as the Georgian terrace house wedged itself between the two buildings. Remus opened the door and a choir of tiny bells chimed as he stepped inside. The interior of the house was nearly silent as Remus stepped down the musty hallway, making sure to keep silent around Mrs. Black's easily disturbed portrait.

"REMUS!" There was a resounding crash as Tonks hurtled down the hallway, accidently knocking over a spindly side table. "Oops! Sorry, sorry," she mumbled hastily, righting the table as Mrs. Black began to scream.

"FILTHY BLOOD TRAITORS! SCUM OFFSPRING OF MY BLOOD TRAITOR SISTER! TRAITORS AND WEREWOLVES BEFOULING THE HOUSE OF MY-" Her tirade was abruptly cut off as Tonks and Remus yanked the curtain over the old woman's twisted face. Tonks turned to Remus, slightly abashed.

"Well, sorry bout that. Happy almost Christmas, Remus."

He smiled at her cheerfulness-what he wouldn't give to be young and carefree that like, though he knew that she was not without her burdens.

"Let's go out," she said, pulling on her frayed coat and coiling a scarf around her neck. "Sirius is here, but he's in one of his moods again."

Remus was all too familiar with Sirius' deep depressions, and he knew that the best cure was to leave him alone.

"He'll come around," Remus reminded her and Tonks nodded. She slid her arm through his as they walked down the stoop, the many locks sliding into place behind them with a gentle clicking noise.

"I know," she murmured. The street was frozen and empty on the freezing night. The stars were erased by the vibrancy of the street lamps, the sky black and cloudy.

There was a Muggle coffee shop open on the main thoroughfare that was still open. A slow holiday song was playing on a staticy jukebox in the corner and Remus hummed along quietly. To his surprise, Tonks seemed to know it too.

"You've heard it before," he commented. Tonks grinned.

"Yeah. My dad was Muggle-born. Like your mum, yeah?"

Remus nodded, recalling the Christmases past that he had spent with his parents before his father had left. After that, holidays became strings of sad memories filled with his mother weeping over faded photographs and mementoes of happier times.

"Yeah, my mum was Muggle-born. She'd be treated a lot worse now days, of course, but back then…"

"It hasn't gotten better," sad Tonks sadly. They sat in silence for a moment. Their coffees had gone cold, so they paid and left the shop. Outside, the air was frigid.

"Look," said Tonks quietly. "It's snowing."

Small white flakes were drifting from the cloudy sky, blanketing the icy ground with pale snow. Tonks paused in the golden circle of light from a street lamp and clung to his hand, halting his steps.

Before either of them really knew what was happening, Remus was kissing her, and Tonks was kissing him back. He drew her closer, one hand running along her back and one hand tangled in her hair. It was like heaven on Earth, pure bliss, there was no fear and no worry and no pain.

When the finally broke apart, Tonks was gripping the front of his coat.

"God, that was a mistake," she murmured. He drew her closer, wrapping his fingers around hers, but she pulled away and fled. He made to go after her, but eventually her lithe figure blended with the darkness until he heard a cracking noise and knew that she had Apperated.

"Damn it," he muttered, scuffing one toe through the slush. There was a spark growing between them…and he was sure that soon it was going to explode. But, he thought, to love someone is to let them go.

**Sorry for the short chapter and depressing end. On the other hand, one of my friends from school sent me a letter today! Actual post, not internet. It was amazing. Happy Tuesday, everyone!**


	4. Not Alone

**Hello everyone! Thanks so much to all of you amazing, beautiful people who reviewed the last chapter. To BAM: I set it sometime during the existence of the second Order. Hope this helps! Warning: This chapter contains serious snogging. If you don't want that-but seriously, who doesn't-just skip the end. **

It was Christmas Eve now, temperatures in the freezing range and a blanket of glistening snow beneath a cold, clear sky. There was no Order meeting today, most of the members were off with their families, ringing in the Christmas holiday with their loved ones near. In a small cemetery far removed from the bustling city of London, a man in a tattered coat stood with his hands in his pockets in front of a small grave marker. The tombstone was small, plain, free of ornate text or concrete angels. In modest script were the words _Maria Lupin, beloved wife and mother_. Beneath that was the date of her birth and the date of her death. He read the words silently, though he had memorized them long ago. It was such a plain dedication, a modest summery of what had been a very full life. Remus had wanted to leave out the _beloved wife _part, mostly because his father had quickly deserted the family once he learned of his only son's lycanthropy. The bitter old man had hung in the background like some somber ghost at Maria's funeral, shedding silent tears in the back row whilst Remus delivered the eulogy. He hadn't bothered to comfort his father. The bitter old man didn't deserve sympathy.

"I'm sorry, mum," Remus said quietly. "I'm sorry that you never got to see your grandchildren."

_Not that I have any, _he thought gloomily. _Not that I even have a girl. _

His mother had always urged him to 'find a nice girl, settle down, raise a family', but Remus knew that he could never do that. He refused to selfishly impose his condition on an innocent woman and-God forbid-child. And yet he could never refuse his mother one of her last wishes…

"I promise that I'll find a nice girl, mum." His mind drifted to a pretty young Metamorphagus, one who was most likely with her family right now, celebrating Christmas Eve. He quickly attempted put the thought out of his mind. Tonks was young and beautiful and did not deserve a poor werewolf like himself.

_As if she'd have you anyway, _Remus thought dully.

"Remus." Someone was calling his name across the silent graveyard. He jumped a little, eyes searching the winter landscape for the speaker. There was a young woman slowly making her way through the deep snow, long red hair tumbling in waves from beneath a woolen hat. She wore a patched coat over a lumpy sweater that greatly resembled Mrs. Weasley's handiwork.

"Remus!" She waded a few steps forwards and he instantly recognized her as Tonks. When she got close enough she flung her arms around him.

"Happy Christmas Eve," she said quietly against his shoulder. He was still shocked to see her here, in this lonesome country graveyard of all places.

"How did you find me here?" He wanted to know, wanted to know _why _she had come.

"Dumbledore," said Tonks, and Remus was flooded-not for the first time-wth appreciation for the man's kindness. "He told me about your mum…how you visit her at Christmas."

Remus nodded silently, glancing back towards the simple gravemarker and the bones that lay frozen beneath it.

"I can't believe it's been nearly five years, " he murmered. He had been so much younger then, that day that he had scattered dark earth across his mother's casket. Though he was never innocent-never truly, not with the life he had lived-those memories represented a far different time. Times were darker now, everything brief and uncertain. You clung to what you had in these days, because you were never sure when it might be ripped from you without warning.

"It's beautiful here," Tonks said as they trudged back down the gentle slope to the village that lay snow-covered below. "No crowds, no _people_."

Remus admired the darkening snowy bosom of the hills, rising to the steep fellsides. Beneath the snow, he knew, lay wild heather, the purest shade of purple imaginable. Down the snowy track, the golden lights of the Muggle village twinkled like stars against the virgin snow. Tonks looped her arm through Remus' as they made the slow descent to the little hamlet.

"She always loved it here. My mother, I mean." Remus said slowly. "She moved to the country after my father-after my father left."

Tonks glanced up at him with sympathy in her hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry, Remus. That must have been awful."

He managed a tight smile and quickly changed the conversation. She didn't need to hear about his tattered family history, and he didn't need to be complaining about it. Life happened, life went on. Time stopped for no one.

"Speaking of family, why aren't you with yours?" He asked. Tonks scuffed the toe of her booth through the snow and sighed.

"My mum and dad are abroad, visiting my dad's sister in Paris. Muggle, you see." A tiny light sparkled behind her eyes. It was one of the things that Remus found himself fascinated with. "They took an _areoplane _to get there."

"So you're alone, then?" He asked. They walked through the kissing gate that lead out of the graveyard and began making their way towards the Muggle village below.

"I _was _alone," Tonks corrected. "I'm not anymore. I'm with you, aren't I?"

He slid a tentative arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Tonks clutched his arm, a blissful smile on her face.

The village was alight with Christmas decorations, red green and gold draping every available surface. From a small church on the High Street, the high voices of a choir carried on the frozen air.

"Happy Christmas, Remus." She leaned in and kissed him, gently at first. He wanted to push her away, to prevent her from this complete and utter mistake she was making. There was no way that she would ever be happy with him, he was too old, too dangerous, too poor…

Her kiss burned like firewhiskey, and it was a sensation that Remus found himself being tangled in. He couldn't let go, he couldn't stop kissin her, couldn't stop himself from sliding his arms around her waist, drawing her closer, pressing their bodies together. Merlin, he couldn't stop. She was like a drug, a drink, an _addiction _that he was unable to resist.

He pulled away, holding her at arm's length. Her red hair was mussed, the tips turning to bright pink.

"Oh, Remus…" She began, and trailed off with a happy sigh. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Headquarters?" He asked and she nodded. He gripped her smaller hand in his and together they fell through time and space, landing on the icy ground outside of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, London.

Tonks tripped a little up the step, giggling slightly as Remus caught her arm to prevent her from falling.

"My knight in shining armour," she said, clinging to his arm. He opened the door and they stumbled inside, out of the frigid night air.

"Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?" Tonks suggested. Remus pressed her against the wall, sliding his arms around her lithe frame. He couldn't imagine anything better in the world-in the whole universe-than kissing Nymphadora Tonks on Christmas Eve. Tonks pushed him backwards onto the stairwell, straddling him, her fingers swiftly undoing his coat buttons. She had somehow managed to already wriggle out of her coat and he lifted her sweater over her head, leaving her only in a form-fitting shirt. She pressed against him, and the little moans that she was making were slowly driving him mad. He hadn't wanted anyone-_wanted _wanted-anyone quite so much as he wanted Tonks right now. He was fighting the urge to pin her against the wall and shag her senseless.

_Calm the bloody hell down, Remus. You've only kissed her once before, don't rush things like this…_

Her arms were linked around his neck and he was pinning her against the wall, hands on either side of her,

"Well, well, well, what _do _we have here?"

Sirius was standing in the doorway, looking royally pissed off.

**Okay guys, sorry for the crap ending, I just needed to update and I hope that you don't hate me for being a crap story-ender. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW, my luvs. Have wonderful weekends! Love from Riddy. **


	5. The Nightmare Before Christmas

**Hello everyone! I apologize endlessly for the lack of updates. I have been going through a bit of a tough time. As some of you might know, I live with my aunt during school holidays, and since it's summer I was with her. She broke her hip and ended up in the hospital care, so I was staying with a friend from school in Scotland, which was all very exciting and Scotland is very beautiful, but I sadly had no internet there and found myself unable to update. But here it is, my beauties. **

Sirius looked quite angry, his arms folded and a cross expression on his face.

"Think it's alright to just go about shagging each other in _my _house, do you?" He gestured to the dim interior of Number Twelve and gave a loud sigh of defeat. "Carry on, then. It's Christmas after all."

And he disappeared through the doorway, leaving behind the distinct odor of firewhiskey. Remus gave a sigh of relief and Tonks giggled.

"I thought he'd go nutters on us," she muttered, dragging Remus up the narrow flight of stairs. He had to admit, she was slowly driving him mad.

"Here, we can go in here," Tonks pulled him through some random door off of a long hallway. There was a small bed in the corner and several faded Quidditch posters decorating the walls. Remus wasn't sure, but if he had to guess he would have said that this was a spare room in which Sirius had spent a lot of time. He felt a little guilty shagging his best mate's cousin in here, but he doubted that Sirius would know the difference. Actually, he probably wouldn't _want _to know.

Tonks slowly unbuttoned his shirt, her delicate fingers pressing lightly against his skin. His hands closed around her thin wrists, halting her actions.

"You don't want to see this, Dora," he said softly. It was true. His body was riddled with scars, mostly old, from his painful transformations. Even the semi-darkness could not disguise the obvious torment that he had endured. Remus was filled with a shame that he could not explain.

Her touch, light as a feather, was trailing over his bare skin. She pushed his collared shirt off, revealing the countless scars. Her finger settled on one strange marking on his left shoulder, the skin raised and cruelly burned.

"Where did you get this one?"

His stomach twisted at the memory:

_He was six years old, staring at the white ceiling of the silent room as the Ministry Healers conversed in hushed tones. After a few moments, a squat witch hurried forwards, holding out her wand. She waved it, and heavy chains snapped into place, binding Remus. He was confused and scared. This morning his mother had tensely informed him that they were going to visit the Ministry of Magic, where he would get something special. He wasn't sure exactly what the special something was, but he could sense that it was nothing good. After two hours of sitting in the bland waiting lobby outside something called the Department of Magical Creatures, Remus had been lead into a small room off of a long corridor. In the room there was a single chair, and this was where he was bound now. The witch murmured something, and white-hot pain flashed up Remus' shoulder. Something was burning, burning into his skin…_

"It's a brand!" Tonks looked up at Remus with frightened eyes. "What does it mean?"

He looked away in shame. He had memorized the string of numbers many decades ago, and they still brought a sick feeling to his stomach whenever he thought of them.

"B587," he said quietly. "Beast number five hundred and eight-seven."

Her fingertips gently traced the old scar.

"You're not a beast to me," Tonks whispered. Then she cocked one eyebrow and said, "Or maybe you are. I guess we'll just have to find out."

Pale sunlight filtering through the thin curtains woke Remus just as the clock downstairs was striking seven in the morning. He was vaguely aware of a warm body lying next to him, one of their arms clinging to him. A girl with a pale, heart-shaped face and bright pink hair…

_Tonks. _

Memory of last night's caper flooded back, accompanied by a sick feeling of dread. How could he have been so foolish? Remus had promised himself to never inflict his condition on anyone, let alone innocent Nymphadora Tonks. She was young and beautiful and his best friend's cousin.

_Oh, God. I slept with Sirius' cousin. He'll murder me!_

A series of plans started hatching in his mind, all of them very poor ideas. He considered dressing in silence and sneaking away, but decided that doing so would brand him forever a coward. After all, it wasn't as though either of them had been drunk the night before, though he did remember that her kiss had been more intoxicating than firewhiskey…

"Oh dear God."

Remus wheeled around, mid-way through bucking his belt, to see a very disheveled Tonks sitting up in bed, clutching the thin sheet up to her chin.

"Remus, we _slept together _last night. You shagged me! In my aunt's house!"

He winced, expecting her to adopt an expression of disgust or fear.

"I'm terribly sorry-" he began, but she quickly cut him off.

"Oh, don't be." She gave him a wistful grin. "It was excellent. You're pretty good, Remus. Better than that moron Douglas Fellden."

He fought the urge to gape at the thought that quirky Tonks had shagged Douglas Fellden, the arrogant captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team and a man a good bit older than Tonks herself. Then he reminded himself that her as well. Too old, in fact, to be kissing her, let alone _shagging _her.

She smirked, slid out of bed and began dressing quickly, casting harried glances at the ancient clock that was ticking quietly on the nightstand.

"I can't be late for work, Mad-Eye'll kill me…"

She kissed him once, quickly, and then she was gone, the tail of her patched robes whipping around the corner. Remus ran a hand through his hair, not entirely sure what had just happened. In fact, he wasn't wholly convinced that the night before had not been some elaborate dream. He dreaded going downstairs, dreaded facing Sirius, but it was something that had to be done. He finished dressing in a somber silence, busy planning things he could say to qualm what he was sure would be Sirius' intense rage.

However, much to Remus' surprise, Sirius did not seem very bothered by the fact that his cousin and his best friend had slept together the night before.

"It's a one time thing, right, mate?" He asked, clapping Remus' shoulder in buddy-buddy sort of way. "I mean, she's a good bit younger than you, quite good-looking too. If she wasn't my cousin, I'd date her."

Remus nodded, unable to ignore the sort of hollow feeling that was creeping into the pit of his stomach as he listened to Sirius' words.

"Of course," he agreed. "Why'd she want me, after all?"

Sirius fixed him with a pitying sort of look.

"Don't worry, Moony. You'll find a nice girl some day."

**Sorry for the bad ending and short chapter, I just wanted to get something up before people started thinking I'd abandoned this story. Please review! **


	6. A New Year

**I apologiz****e endlessly for taking literally months to update this story. I have only myself to blame, of course. I have been away at school, and schoolwork has all but consumed me over the past few months. I promise that I will continue updating this story. Again, I am so sorry. *hugs my readers * **

It was several days before Remus saw Tonks again. It was New Year's Eve, and Number 12 Grimmauld Place was abuzz with activity. Sirius seemed more chipper than usual, and he confided to Remus that he had 'snagged' a pretty witch named Hazel Bramford and was bringing her over for the night.

"Sounds nice," said Remus, who privately felt that he was the only one in the entire world who was going to be alone on New Year's Eve. It was selfish, he knew. He did not deserve anyone, especially not the girl he had been keeping his eye on.

Sirius must have caught the desolate tone in his voice, because he clapped one hand onto his friend's shoulder.

"Look, mate, you'll find a girl sooner or later."

He offered Remus the thousand-watt Black smile and then went off to help Molly Weasley put crackers around the long kitchen table. Remus shuffled into the front hall and began magicking festive ribbons to hang around the door. He could not have felt in a less-jovial mood.

Midway through his dismal decorating, the front door banged open. A gust of icy air and flying snow ushered inside a thin figure bundled in a bright pink coat and a merry holiday scarf.

"Remus!"

It was Tonks. Ignoring the sick sensation that threatened to overwhelm him, Remus moved forwards and accepted her hug.

"Happy New Year's, Remus!" Tonks unwound the long red and green scarf and hung it on the hat rack. "How have you been?"

She was acting so cheerful, so guiltless, as though she recalled nothing of Christmas night. As though she did not know that she had slept with a monster. Or as if she did not care. Remus did not know if he was more heartbroken or flattered. At least she wasn't ignoring him. In a way, however, this was much worse.

"I've been fine," he lied. Wasn't it girls who were supposed to get all torn up about this kind of thing? Sirius always seemed to have an angry, sobbing witch throwing spells at him and reaming him out for never answering back her letters. Then again, Sirius was slightly insensitive to his partner's feelings.

"Good," said Tonks warmly. She took his hand and dragged him into the parlor, where most of the Order had assembled to drink and converse. Remus, as usual, took up a position in the corner of the room, watching as Tonks had a lively chat with Moody. The grizzled Auror generally disliked the younger members of his department; he found them annoying 'arse-kissers' whose motivations were to one day take his job. Paranoid though he was, Moody seemed to have taken a liking to Tonks. He was one of the few older members of the Order who respected her wishes and refrained from calling her 'Nymphadora'.

All through dinner, Remus remained reserved and quiet. He knew that Tonks had probably gotten over their liaison, and he didn't want to seem over-eager or clingy. Afraid of seeming too depressed, Remus joined in a lively conversation about the Marauder's school days. Sirius was boasting about their numerous exploits to Hazel, who was giggling and listening with a sombre expression on her face, alternatively. James and Lily were holding hands under the table, which Moody pointed out rather loudly to their embarrassment. Remus got the horrid feeling that he was doomed to be alone for the rest of his life.

As the clock's hands moved steadily towards midnight, Sirius passed around bottles of fire whiskey and butterbeer. Remus took a fire whiskey and retired to stand in the corner and talk to Hagrid about the growing trade in illegal Fire Peppers.

"I tried to grow some a while back," the groundskeeper confided. "But then I heard of some lads up in Mump-Upon-Lye that got hauled in by the Ministry for it."

Remus gave a little hum of agreement, feigning interest as he watched Tonks laughing with James and Sirius and Lily across the room. He felt dirty, like a stalker, a voyeur. A few minutes before midnight, Hagrid staggered off to fetch more fire whiskey, leaving Remus standing awkwardly alone in the corner.

"Hey," he heard someone come up behind him. It was Tonks, her hair turning festive candy-apple red. "Almost a new year, right?"

Remus turned to smile at her. He felt a sort of warm sensation in the pit of his stomach and wondered if it was the drink or something else.

"Mad, isn't it?"

Tonks grinned and took another swig of whiskey. She looked a little tipsy, with the kind of glazed-over expression that came from too much drinking.

"Yeah," Remus echoed. "Mad."

Suddenly, the clock began striking midnight, a series of deep tones that seemed to startle everyone in the room. To Remus' horror, everyone in the immediate vicinity began kissing each other. He was wondering how he could escape without being noticed when Tonks grabbed the front of his jacket and kissed him. In a moment of abandon, Remus forgot about their age difference, his horrible disease that would certainly prevent her from ever loving him, and the fact that she was Sirius' cousin.

When they broke apart, most of the room was staring at them. Arthur and Molly were holding hands. Sirius had swept Hazel into a dramatic embrace, they were still snogging madly. Hagrid was looking flustered and red-faced, having attempted to kiss Moody in his drunken state. The clock stopped chiming, and everyone gave a shout of celebration.

"Happy New Year!" Tonks shouted, tossing a handful of confetti into the air and spinning around in the falling flashes of red and gold. Everyone began to drift apart, going their separate ways-Sirius and Hazel were heading upstairs to do Lord-knew-what, Hagrid stumbled outside to put his head into the water barrel, Moody took a swig from his flask and started for the door. As the party began to break apart, Tonks seized Remus' hand and tugged him towards the door. He was hesitant-he did not want another incident like Christmas holiday's. Still, Remus allowed himself to be pulled out the door and into the gently falling snow.

Flurries of white snow cascaded from the pitch-dark sky, catching in Tonks' now-dark hair and twinkling like tiny stars. They walked side by side till they reached the halo of light from the streetlamp at the corner.

"Look, Tonks, I'm sorry about what happened at Christmas" Remus began, but she silenced him quickly by pressing a finger against his mouth.

"Shh, Remus. It's _okay_. I already told you-I wanted it." She paused, the corner of her mouth twisting up into a mischievous smile. "There's nothing to apologize for."

For the first time in a long time, Remus found himself smiling too. She slid her hand into his and he twined their fingers together. Together they walked, hand in hand, back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.


End file.
